Embracing the Benefits of an Alcohol Coach with Lived Experience

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Embarking on a journey to drink less alcohol or to overcome problematic drinking is a courageous step towards reclaiming control over your life and well-being. While this path may seem daunting, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your struggle. Engaging an alcohol coach who has lived experience with problematic drinking can provide unique and invaluable benefits that go beyond conventional approaches. This blog delves into the reasons why a coach with lived experience can be a game-changer on your path to ditching the booze.

 

  1. Empathy and Understanding

One of the most significant advantages of having an alcohol coach with lived experience is the deep empathy and understanding they bring to the table. This coach has personally walked the path of overcoming problematic drinking, allowing them to connect with your journey on a level that a traditional coach might not be able to. Their empathy is not just from a theoretical standpoint, it’s rooted in their own struggles, successes, and setbacks, making their support more relatable and authentic.

  1. Reduced Stigma

Unfortunately, societal stigma around addiction and mental health challenges still exists. Engaging with an alcohol coach who has faced similar struggles reduces the sense of isolation and shame that you might feel. This normalisation of the recovery process helps break down barriers to seeking help and encourages a more open dialogue about mental well-being.

  1. Real-World and Relatable Strategies

While conventional alcohol coaches and counsellors possess theoretical knowledge about recovery strategies, a coach with lived experience can provide you with real-world strategies that have worked for them. They’ve tested and refined these strategies in their own lives, giving them firsthand knowledge of what works and what doesn’t. This practical advice can be invaluable, as it’s tailored to the realities of overcoming the challenges you’re facing.

The path to quitting alcohol is not a one-size-fits-all journey, and what works for one person might not work for another. A coach with lived experience brings a toolbox of relatable strategies that have worked for them personally. They can offer practical advice that goes beyond generic recommendations, tailoring their guidance to the individual’s unique circumstances. This targeted approach increases the likelihood of success and helps clients navigate challenges more effectively.

  1. Personalised Guidance

An alcohol coach who has battled problematic drinking understands that recovery is not a one-size-fits-all journey. Their guidance is personalized to your specific needs, triggers, and goals. They can help you navigate the complexities of your individual situation, making adjustments and recommendations based on their own experiences. This individualised approach can lead to more effective results and a higher likelihood of sustaining your progress over the long term.

  1. Inspiring Hope and Resilience

Witnessing someone who has triumphed over their own struggles with problematic drinking can serve as a beacon of hope and inspiration. A coach with lived experience embodies the possibility of change, demonstrating that recovery is achievable even in the face of adversity. Their story of resilience can motivate you during challenging moments and remind you that you’re capable of achieving the same transformation.

  1. Building Trust and Rapport

Establishing trust and rapport with a coach is essential for a successful coaching relationship. A coach who shares their own journey of recovery fosters a sense of authenticity and transparency. This openness can create a safe space for you to share your thoughts, fears, and setbacks without judgment. Knowing that your coach has faced similar struggles can help you feel understood and accepted, enhancing the effectiveness of the coaching process.

Conclusion

Engaging an alcohol coach with lived experience of problematic drinking can be a transformative step on your journey towards reaching your drinking less goals. Their empathy, real-world strategies, personalised guidance, inspirational story, and ability to build trust all contribute to a coaching relationship that goes beyond the ordinary. Remember, you deserve all the support and resources available to overcome problematic drinking and lead a healthier, happier life. Embrace the benefits of a coach who not only understands your journey but has walked the path themselves.

The decision to seek help for problematic drinking is a courageous one, and having an alcohol coach with lived experience by your side can be a game-changer. Their empathy, relatable strategies, authentic inspiration, personalised support, and ongoing assistance create a comprehensive support system that propels individuals toward lasting recovery.

The bond formed with a coach who has walked the same path serves as a reminder that transformation is not only possible but within reach. Remember, you’re never alone in your journey towards better mental and emotional health.

Let me support you

One of the most rewarding things that I have done in my life is to have quit alcohol. It was incredibly challenging at times. However it was and is worth it. Once I became alcohol-free opportunities opened and life just felt easier and happier. It is now my pleasure to guide others through this process.

Book in an introductory call with my using this link and let’s see if we are the right fit to work together.

Why Moderating Alcohol is so Incredibly Hard to Achieve

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In Australian culture, where alcohol is deeply ingrained in everything we do, the concept of moderation can seem deceptively simple. However, for many, moderating alcohol consumption is usually far more challenging than anticipated. This blog delves into the various reasons why achieving moderation can be difficult and offers insights into how to navigate these hurdles.

The top reasons why moderation is difficult

The Illusion of Control: One of the main reasons moderation can be hard is the illusion of control that alcohol can create. You often start with the intention of having “just one drink,” believing you can stop whenever you want. However, alcohol’s ability to impair judgment and lower inhibitions can easily lead to overconsumption. The saying “I can only say no to the first drink” is true for many.

Social Pressures and Norms: Our society often associates alcohol with celebrations, gatherings, and relaxation. As a result, social pressures and norms can make it tough to stick to moderation, especially when surrounded by friends or family who might encourage drinking more than intended. How many of us know a non-drinker? No many and certainly not when we were growing up and developing our beliefs around the role that alcohol plays in society. At a young age we can form the belief that we need alcohol to socialise and fit in just by observing those around us.

The Slippery Slope of Escalation: For moderation to “work”, you really need to only have one or two drinks when you are out. Most people’s idea of moderation is usually much more than this and resembles binge drinking instead.  A single drink often leads to another, and before you know it, the line between moderation and excess is blurred. On top of that your tolerance increases and you need more alcohol to get the same buzz.

The All or Nothing Mindset: Many people struggle with an all-or-nothing approach when it comes to alcohol. You might find it challenging to stop at one or two drinks, leading to a sense of defeat and ultimately consuming more than intended.

The Pleasure Principle: Alcohol triggers the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and creating a pleasurable sensation. This biochemical response can make it difficult to stop after just one drink. What’s more, dopamine is the brain’s reward chemical, making you believe that you need alcohol to cope.

Emotional Triggers: Emotions play a substantial role in our relationship with alcohol. Stress, sadness, or even happiness can trigger a desire to drink. Using alcohol as a coping mechanism for emotional turbulence can make it exceedingly difficult to stick to moderation goals.

Constant State of Withdrawal: Unlike abstaining from alcohol entirely, moderation involves keeping your body in a constant state of withdrawal. Even with a glass or two, your body needs to get rid of the alcohol in your system to reduce it back down to normal. With that comes a feeling of restlessness and anxiety, uncomfortable feelings which often lead you to want to drink some more to avoid.

Obstructing New Habit Formation: Moderation does not allow the time and space for you to develop new neural pathways that allow new healthier habits to form without alcohol. On top of that you don’t get to experience all the amazing benefits of living alcohol free, such as restorative sleep, improved energy and motivation (and the rest!). This makes the whole process of drinking less even harder to achieve.

Overcoming the challenges

Gaining self-awareness around your personal triggers and drinking habits is the first step. Do you drink when your stressed, or lonely or to calm an agitated nervous system? From there you can begin the process of reframing how you view and respond to alcohol.

Understanding the science of alcohol and what it does chemically to your body is part of the change process and can empower you to seek what you really need elsewhere.

If you are caught in a cycle of trying but failing at moderation, allowing yourself a decent break from alcohol for a period of at least 6 weeks is often the best place to start. This will allow you to evaluate your triggers and degree of reliance on it, establish new healthier habits, gain confidence in your ability to socialise and relax it without it and to reset and recalibrate your system.

Engage extra support

Often it is hard to drink less alcohol on your own and reaching out for additional support to reach your goals can be just what you need to motivate you to succeed.

Please book in a discovery call with me if you would like support to drink less alcohol.

Dry July Motivation for Stressed Lawyers!

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There are 101 reasons to support Dry July, but for stressed lawyers a compelling motivation is to feel calmer and less stressed. Restorative sleep, increased joy and greater mental clarity are others. Dry July is for everyone. You do not have to be “big drinker”.  You can simply be curious about the health gains that come with less alcohol in your life.

Stressed people drink to cope with stress without realising that alcohol compounds stress levels. Do you start feeling stressed as soon as you wake up and immediately reach for alcohol when you walk in the door after a long day? Perhaps you’re in your mid-40’s, feeling like you are always “spinning 10 plates in the air”, drinking too much and considering committing to Dry July next month to regain some balance.

Taking a break will not fix everything, but it will improve your sleep quality, reduce your stress hormone levels and create space to allow you to reassess your work/life balance. It’s hard to do this when you are constantly fatigued. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to discover who holds the balance of power: you or the bottle.

Here are 5 practical steps you can follow to make Dry July work for you so that you can reap the rewards at the end.

First up, if you are a consistent daily moderate drinker, it is important to consult your doctor before stopping drinking, as you may be physically addicted to alcohol and need a medically supervised detox.

Tip 1: Create Three Lists

List 1: Why do you want to take a break? List 2: What are your fears in stopping? List 3: Why now? These lists will set your intention up front and will remind you why you are doing this when you need motivation. Greater energy, better sleep and weight loss often feature in list 1. List 2 often includes socialising fears, fears around coping with stress and numbing the endless lists, boredom and loneliness. The third list may be that you are worried about where your drinking is heading or you’re worried about how alcohol is impacting your relationships, health or reputation. These are great reasons to give this a red-hot go.

Tip 2: Approach Dry July like an experiment

Look at Dry July as a month of health gains rather than one of deprivation. Define a successful Dry July as one where you learn about your relationship with alcohol and feel better at the end. Do not beat yourself up if you do drink occasionally. Shame and blame will increase your risk of drinking again. Instead, treat it as a learning experience and ask why did I need to drink in that moment and what can I do differently? Approach it with curiosity to learn about alcohol and why it is you drink the way you do.

Tip 3: Learn the science of alcohol

This is key! Did you know alcohol is one of the only substances that is both a depressant and a stimulant that pumps your body with stress hormones (hello 3am wake up!)? Did you know it decreases feelings of joy even when you are not drinking? Learning the science is a big part of the process of changing your drinking habits. Reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is a great place to start.

Tip 4: Explore your personal stress response

There are two important things to know here. Firstly, stress is cumulative, building up throughout the day so that by the time you walk in the door it can be hard to resist drinking. Releasing the stress valve regularly throughout the day can greatly improve your chances of resisting alcohol.

Secondly, the way you cope with stress is highly connected to your childhood environment and experience and how your parents coped with stress. Being aware of this is the first step. The next is to retrain your brain and nervous system to develop healthier coping mechanisms that stick. World-renowned neuroscientist, Professor Selena Bartlett, talked about how to train your mindset using the principles of brain plasticity to mitigate stress without reaching for alcohol in episode 34 of the She’s Sober Sydney podcast recently, referring to the stress that lawyers in particular face. She shares some practical tips to improve brain health. It’s a great episode to listen to for motivation in Dry July.

Tip 5: Mindset Shift

We drink because we believe we need it for some reason. We believe that we will gain something from it. To relieve stress? To reward ourselves? To celebrate? These beliefs create the desire. However, none of these beliefs are true and accurate. They are founded on false assumptions and experiences developed over decades from advertising, cultural norms, and our childhood environment.

Get curious over Dry July and put your alcohol beliefs on trial and test them for accuracy. This is the mindset work that ultimately diminishes your desire for alcohol, creating better habits that stick in the long term. Unsure of what your alcohol beliefs are? What are your fears around stopping drinking (Tip 1)? This will reveal some of your beliefs.

Your chances of succeeding are further boosted if you listen to some alcohol-related podcasts or even sign up to a 4- or 6-week course designed to help you drink less.

Conclusion

I work with many lawyers and without fail the word that is used to describe their lives after a break from alcohol is “calm”. The chaos eases as does the tendency to ruminate on work-related conversations and for the first time in a long time they notice a greater degree of calmness.

Good luck if you are embarking on Dry July! Once you have experienced solid sleep, a fresh sense of calm and the mental clarity that accompanies a break from alcohol, it is hard to go back. No one regrets not waking up without a hangover. Finally, reach out for support if you would like to drink less but are finding it hard to do so alone.

*Dry July is a fundraising campaign, raising funds for people affected by cancer. To signup, donate, visit www.dryjuly.com

Sober Sex! Let’s talk about it…

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Sober Sex*

Let’s talk about it. Why?! Because it comes up a lot. Discreetly and tentatively at first but it presents as a major issue often when alcohol is removed from your life. Also, if drinking has been part of your whole sexual history then you may not even know if you enjoy sex at all! So… sober sex.

Why is this important? Because it is about connection and we know how important quality connection is to an alcohol-free life. It’s the opposite to addiction.

Moreover, quality connection and intimacy with our partner, the person that we are most close with in the world and the person we spend most of our time with is likely to be high on your priority list. There are exceptions to this but if this is the case for you then read on.

Uncomfortable feelings created through lack of connection and issues with intimacy can feel stressful and can create urges to reach for alcohol. So best to address this head on.

Does any of this ring true for you?

  • Have you only ever had sex while under the influence?
  • You and your partner met and bonded over drinking. Drinking was part of the courtship, drinking and sex was a regularly thing, or
  • You are freaking out about sober sex, like freaking out!

Geez – I was…

The quick facts

In short, alcohol may lower your inhibitions, but it decreases your ability to become and stay aroused.

Drinking reduces testosterone in both men and women. For women, low testosterone can mean hair loss, weight gain, broken sleep, depression and anxiety and on top of all of that it decreases your libido! Alcohol messes with that part of your nervous system that is essential for orgasm and arousal. So, you may have difficulties reaching orgasm.

For men, alcohol can lead to difficulties maintaining an erection or erectile dysfunction.  In fact, a study resulted in rats testicles decreasing in size by 50% when they were fed a steady diet of ethanol. Alcohol causes dehydration which increases a hormone, angiotensin, that is associated with erectile dysfunction.  It also decreases blood volume and interferes with circulation, both of which can contribute to performance issues. Men may also experience decreased sperm production, breast enlargement and lowered libido.

Why do drinking and sex go hand-in-hand?

Usually because we’ve always done it. Awkward tense sexual exchanges with partners and one-night-stands may always have been associated with alcohol for you.  Images of women drinking and then having wild, sexy and crazy sex were everywhere for me growing up. They are so destructive and disingenuous.

If you drank a lot when you were young then you might have been someone who lacked confidence, experienced social anxiety, was a little nervous.  Alcohol numbed that. You likely developed deeply ingrained beliefs that you need alcohol to have sex or you need alcohol to be good at sex. These beliefs can really impact your self-confidence and connection to your own body.

Alcohol allows you to abandon yourself emotionally and mentally and when it comes to sex, alcohol facilitates you abandoning yourself physically too. This sounds quite frightening doesn’t it?

You may never have learned how to get comfortable with being sexually intimate or just intimate generally with another person without alcohol being present. This is ok as it’s never too late to learn, but if alcohol was frequently present in intimate moments ever since you became sexually active then abandoning yourself may have become the norm. So, you never developed these skills.

No wonder you feel alarmed at the prospect of sober sex!

You already feel raw, vulnerable, and naked venturing into the world fully sober and now you need to consider the prospect of being physically naked too!

Sober sex is way better than drunk sex

You get to experience it all, physiologically, emotionally and mentally.  This can feel a lot to deal with at first, but over time, it is way better.  Your brain, nervous system, senses, circulation are all alert and unimpeded.

I never really remembered sex the next day. Perhaps it was more a performance rather than a real experience. It was never really a genuine connection. It was an experience that was just one of those things.

However, without the alcohol and the numbing, you are literally more in touch with your body. It’s worth it – promise.

Hot saucy tips 

If you are in the early days of sober sex and it is all just too daunting, then go easy on yourself.  Cut yourself some slack and postpone the moment until you are ready.  You may very well be feeling fatigued, emotional and stressed as it is trying to navigate life without alcohol. Adding sex to the mix may be too much for your right now. This is normal and understandable.

As you remove alcohol, you may be uncovering connection and communication issues in your relationship that may have related to you drinking as you did in the first place.  So it may be complicated. Sort these issues out first. You need to feel comfortable.

Also, when you are taking a break from alcohol, it is not just about alcohol. It is about landing back into our bodies and feeling comfortable in our skins again. A rebirthing of sorts. So you may be re-learning how to connect with your partner and yourself again on a sober basis. Go slow.

This may very well require doing some reframing work (alone or with a counsellor) on beliefs that you may hold able around sex, like “I believe I need alcohol to have sex” or “I believe I need alcohol to be good at sex” or “I need alcohol before I reveal my body to my partner“. There are many that I could list here. These beliefs can really impact your self-confidence and connection to your own body. Cognitive reframing work can really help here to untangle the historical stories, experiences and assumptions that you have developed over the course of your life that have lead to you feeling hesitant or scared about sex.

Engaging in any movement (think exercise, dancing, swimming, yoga) does wonders for connecting you back with your body, as does breathing exercises and meditation.

Wait until you are relaxed, feeling happy and connected with your partner and have faith that your body will remember the moves!

Finally, acknowledge this to yourself for what it is. If it works for you and you feel safe doing so communicate your nerves with your partner.

It’s a new experience, potentially a sober first and it is going to be uncomfortable initially but you’ll get your old groove back.

If there are any long-term issues, then consider reaching out for one-on-one counselling to discuss these matters further.

*Note: If you have a history of sexual trauma and your alcohol use is connected with this (which is common) then you may need additional one-on-one support from a trauma-trained specialist to talk through your concerns

Going forward

If you would like some help to drink less consider:

  1. booking in a confidential no obligation discovery call with me to discuss how I can support you, or
  2. join the Alcohol Revolution Program, an online self-guided course.

Isabella xo

What is your attachment style and why can it explain why you drink?

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Did you know that your attachment style can explain why you drink the way you do?

I used to roll my eyes when counsellors asked “that question”: “What is your relationship with your parents like?”. Now I cut right to the chase in my private practice and spend quite a bit of time here with my clients.

Attachment theory describes the way you bond and connect with others particularly your most intimate relationships. This in turn dictates how you have learned to cope with stress. As connection is often said to be the anecdote to addiction and you often drink to manage stress, learning about your attachment style can reveal so much about your stress response patterns and why you use alcohol to cope with life.

Attachment Styles

 Broad descriptions of the four attachments styles are set out below. Please be mindful that most people have a combination of tendencies from each of these styles so you might have a mixed style.

As a general statement these styles flow from generation to generation. So, when considering your own attachment style consider how your parents connected with you and responded to your needs growing up.

Secure Attachment style

Low avoidance and low anxiety tendencies. Comfortably independent and autonomous. Relaxed with intimacy and not vigilant about with abandonment or rejection. Can reach out and seek help from others when needed and can also be a reliable source of support for others as well. Trusting, empathetic, forgiving, and tolerant of differences. Open communication style while being able to pick up on nonverbal context clues. Looking back your parents are/were sensitive, warm, and in-tune with your emotions and needs.

Avoidant attachment style

High avoidance and low anxiety tendencies. Often indifferent, dismissive and uncomfortable with intimacy. Seems emotionally reserved and distant and seeks out freedom and independence rather than togetherness or closeness. Remote and aloof communication style that tend to be less feelings-based and more focussed on logic, rationalising. Stoic, self-sufficient and avoids conflict. Conflict will be held off until it cannot be held in and can erupt with uncontainable anger. Looking back, your parents were often emotionally unavailable, avoidant and often disengaged from your signals that you needed comfort (they may have had an avoidant attachment style too).

Anxious attachment style

Low avoidance and high anxiety tendencies. Preoccupied with the desire to be close to and connect with friends or with an intimate partner but the process is incredibly anxious-provoking and stimulates feelings of insecurity. Presents as “needy” and hyper-vigilant about rejection and abandonment. Holds grudges, takes things personally and is very sensitive to a partner’s mood or actions. Highly emotional and combative. Lacks personal boundaries and can have people-pleasing tendencies. Communication style is deflective and has a hard time accepting blame. Looking back, your parents were inconsistent with the attention they gave you causing you to feel anxiously attached and uncertain of what mood and behaviour your parents would be in from day to day.

Disorganised attachment style

High avoidance and high anxiety tendencies. Uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy.  Cautious and untrusting of others in a relationship. Unresolved emotions make you frightened by past experiences and traumas that have not been emotionally resolved. Difficulty with emotional intimacy. Can be argumentative and often abusive to partners or loved ones. Antisocial tendencies and can be aggressive and unremorseful. Often from depression. Looking back, your parents may have emotionally or physically mistreated you as a child, withholding attention and love.  This in turn resulted in you having a disorganised attachment to others and potentially being susceptible to becoming the victim of abusers.

Which style do you believe reflects your predominant attachment style?

Please note that healthy and secure attachment styles are not as common as you think so please do not feel ashamed or disheartened to discover that you have not developed this style.  Instead, it is opportunity to go easy on yourself and view your coping mechanisms from a new compassionate perspective and grow from there.

Wat does is mean when it comes to your drinking behaviour?

A person with healthy secure attachments develop healthy characteristic such as empathy, resilience, adaptability and the ability to trust others making them better equipped to manage stress, to verbally and non-verbally communicate with others and maintain healthy boundaries.

Those with avoidant, anxious, or disorganised attachment styles have not had the opportunity to develop these healthy characteristics and struggle to maintain healthy boundaries and interpersonal relationships. As a result, they endure a lot of frustration, pain and stress attempting to connect with and be accepted by others.

Importantly, those with secure attachments tend to more easily manage the stresses of life whereas those with insecure attachments are less likely to cope well and more likely to use alcohol to deal with emotional stress, develop alcohol use disorders, eating disorders and mental health issues.

In summary, both anxious and avoidant attachment styles find establishing and maintaining intimate relationships and friendships challenging. They can find themselves lonely and reactive in stressful situations, turning to alcohol for relief. Alcohol can fill the void created by a lack of meaningful connection.

If you have an alcohol use disorder it can be really helpful to reflect on your upbringing and identify your present attachment style (or styles) to examine if your use of alcohol is explained by an insecure attachment style and a consequential lack of ability to cope with stress generally or emotional distress arising from loneliness or dysfunctional relationships.

Possessing this awareness can provide great relief because it provides space for understanding and compassion for your behavioural and emotional responses and why you might be (sometimes unknowingly) self-medicating with alcohol.

Moreover, this is the starting point for transforming an unhealthy attachment style into a healthy secure style.  The good news is that your style is malleable and can be changed with some focus and cognitive work.

Going forward

If you would like some help to drink less consider:

  1. booking in a confidential no obligation discovery call with me to discuss how I can support you, or
  2. join the Alcohol Revolution Program, an online self-guided course.

Isabella Ferguson

Alcohol Use: Red Flags

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Red flags

Alcohol temporarily masks feelings of anxiety, nerves and doubt but becomes problematic when you start using it to make you feel “normal” in stressful, traumatic and emotionally uncomfortable moments.  You’ll start believing that alcohol helps you feel better and when this happens the habit and belief is formed and this is reinforced over time.

5 Red Flags to consider

  • Are you regularly waking up at 3am after drinking the night before? Alcohol provides 20 minutes of relief but your brain then releases stress hormones (adrenalin and cortisol) to counteract the depressive effects to stimulate and maintain homeostasis. These hormones stay in your system much longer than dopamine.  Hello 3am wake-up! Feelings of unease, restlessness and anxiety last for days.
  • Self-medication: Your alcohol use can quickly escalate if you are using alcohol to self-medicate anxiety or depression. Plus alcohol exacerbates these symptoms. Drinking alcohol is like pouring fuel on anxiety and stress.
  • Moderation fails: Do you often fail to moderate your drinking? You go out to have two or three and end up having a lot more? It’s common and it’s not your fault. Alcohol is physically and emotionally addictive but perhaps it’s time to try differently not harder.
  • Are you no longer enjoying activities without alcohol? After years of drinking, alcohol lowers your normal dopamine release and increases your stress hormones even when you are not drinking. Frightening right? Alcohol takes away your ability to experience pleasure and joy in the small things. Think of those activities you used to enjoy, perhaps with your kids? This encourages you to drink more to feel “normal”.
  • General risks to be aware of: Did you start drinking quite young? Is there a “problem drinker” in your extended family? Did your drinking increase after a traumatic event? Do you find you charge up and get more energy during a night of heavy drinking while others fade away? Keep these factors in mind as these things elevate your risks of developing an alcohol use disorder.

The way out

We have so many more options now to help us drink less. Read a quit-lit book or listen to an alcohol-related podcast and learn what alcohol does to your brain and why you drink it. Join a 30-day online alcohol course designed to support you to drink less. In my experience the best ones are those that help you to reframe your beliefs around alcohol so you no longer desire it. Also, find a counsellor or coach with alcohol qualifications to get one-on-one support.

*Consult your doctor as soon as possible if you are worried you are physically addicted. About 10% of the drinking population falls into this category. Handy to know: there are medically-supervised options to confidentially detox safely at home under supervision.

Conclusion

Alcohol use can sneak up on you and you can find yourself stuck in an overwhelming drinking cycle. Alcohol is addictive and is marketed to appeal to your vulnerabilities to “help you” feel relaxed, confident and successful. It is not your fault but perhaps it’s time to turn the trajectory around. Drinking less will profoundly improve your life. There is support for you out there if this is something you would like to achieve.

Isabella

Finding your voice to ditch the booze! 

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Finding your voice to ditch the booze!

I was incredibly lucky to be part of a group listening to the very wise Ann Dowsett Johnston, the author of the amazing book Drink, this morning and we discussed how finding and expressing your voice can be so helpful in recovery.

Ann mentioned that she believes our bodies hear our voices and I believe this is so true.

Many people, particularly women, reach for alcohol to find their voice, to be heard and express their opinions.

I know I did. I am short, I have a quiet voice and was quite shy growing up but I had a lot to say. Alcohol made me louder, certainly less eloquent, but confident. This set up a pattern that lasted decades and formed beliefs that I needed something external to me to express myself.

Does this resonate with you? This feeling that you are not enough can be grounded in thoughts around whether you fit in, belong or have meaningful things to say that others want to listen to. It can start in childhood. Also, expressing our voice is integrally connected with discovering who we are, feeling comfortable in our own skin and developing into the adults we want to become.

Were you given an opportunity to express your opinion? Were you encouraged to debate topics and be heard?  You may come from a loud family and there may not have room for you to speak and be heard.  Or your voice may have been criticised, shouted down or ignored.

It can be really helpful in recovery to find meaningful ways of expressing yourself and do this as much as you can, including book clubs, connecting with friends, dancing to music, painting, writing.

Many use alcohol to find their voice but finding effective ways to use your voice can be instrumental in losing alcohol.

Isabella xo

Kids & Socialising: My very very basic tips

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Kids & Socialising

My very very basic tips

After school yesterday, my 13-year-old mentioned that at drama practice a few girls had asked for his mobile number.  He said he couldn’t remember it (which was true). He was a little thrilled, a little scared and a little frustrated as he just wanted to be friends and now he felt it was a little awkward going to drama practice.

Anyway, I’m glad he mentioned it as it is nice to know where he is at and what is going on out there. I was also happy that he wanted a little guidance going forward.

On this front, I wasn’t very helpful. I just asked a few open questions and said that I was always here to help workshop a response he feels happy with if it happens again.

On the inside I was like, “oh, its happening… this social thing has hit a new level…!”

It was just another indicator that independence and all that that brings on the social front is calling loudly in our household.

I have created some very basic household rules with my kids around our expectations when they are socialising outside of school just to make sure we are all on the same page and I share them with parents who are keen to have the discussion with their kids about alcohol.

These are just a basic template that can be useful as starting point.  I list these in the full knowledge that everybody’s household is different and that my tips are not going to suit everyone.

I also know that these rules do not guarantee that there will be no bumps in the road (I’d be silly if I did!) but I do believe it is incredibly helpful in starting the socialising conversation and highlighting to both of you that this is teamwork.

These are my very very basic tips:

  1. Create the rules together:

Create your household rules (or your expectations with your kids around socialising) with your kids.  Pull out a notepad and pen or butchers’ paper and do it together.  It only needs to take 30 minutes but collaborate and include them in the creation of them so they know them and own them. It also opens the door for them to feel like they can always talk about socialising rules with you.  It creates mutual respect, trust and openness, the ingredients for good connection.  (PS – I would go in knowing what your rules are but be flexible to tailor it a little to include their suggestion).

  1. 3 short & simple rules:

Create 3 short and simple household rules.  Ours are:

  • We always need to know and be happy with the details of where you are going, who you are with, if parents are supervising and how you are getting home. Plus you need to be contactable (have your phone on!)
  • Socialising is important but it is also teamwork between us and you in terms of making sensible decisions and keeping us informed of the details
  • You can come to us with anything and tell us anything that happened when you are out and about and we will react calmly in the moment, check the facts and talk to you about our response. If there is a safety issue then of course we need to do what we believe we need to do.
  1. Be flexible with your rules as they get older:

Be flexible. Your rules for a 13 year old will be different for a 15 year old and so on.

Good luck out there in the socialising wilderness!

If you would like some additional tips on how to talk to your kids specifically about alcohol:

Isabella

Kids & Alcohol – Good news: More kids are choosing not to drink

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More Australian students between the age of 12 – 17 years old are choosing not to drink!*

1 in 3 students in this age bracket have never consumed alcohol.  This compares to 1 in 10 in 1999.

This is terrific news indeed! Non-drinking is increasingly becoming an option that more students are feeling comfortable to choose. Could alcohol be becoming “uncool”?! I hope so.

As a mum to 2 teenage boys I am excited by what these stats show and it is great news for those of this age that prefer to opt out of drinking.

This news also reinforces current recommendations  to parents to refrain from encouraging “safe drinking” of our teens in the family setting but rather to delay underage consumption as long as possible.  They may in fact be opting out and that is a great thing to support.

Those that do choose to drink however tend to do so in years 9 and 10 with a concerning number binge drinking at risky levels. (Also surveys are yet to be released around the impact that COVID had on this cohort.)

Preparing our kids for their inevitable exposure to alcohol is a good idea from as young as 10 years old and reading up on how to support our teens as they approach the year nine stage can help us parents feel that we are not battling this alone. It takes a village!

More information

For more information on how to talk to your kids about alcohol:

Isabella

 

* Survey information viewed at https://darta.net.au

* Guerin & White (2017) ASSAD 2017 Statistics & Trends: Australian Secondary Students’ Use of Tobacco, Alcohol, Over-the-counter Drugs, and Illicit Substances

New Blog: Going Full Circle

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Going Full Circle

The core reasons why you drink will be the core things you need to work on to break free.

Seems obvious right? Well, it is but it isn’t and it wasn’t for me until I was free from alcohol and reflecting on the whole nightmare of it all that was my early 40’s.  And it often all starts in childhood.

There are 4 themes that I can pin-point that were present in my life since my early teen years:

  1. lack of confidence
  2. need to find my tribe
  3. desire for my voice and opinion to be expressed, and
  4. a low simmering of mild anxiety,

all of which I drank alcohol to overcome.

I don’t think this is too uncommon. Everybody reaches for alcohol for one reason or other.

I had to tackle these 4 themes head-on in order to successfully become alcohol free.

What’s more unbeknown to me at the time, alcohol exacerbated these 4 things! It tricked me into believing I was not enough with it. It took away my ability to be wholly present and connect meaningfully. It made my voice loud and confused and it added fuel to my anxiety.

So insidious is alcohol’s addictive nature that it can make you think you need it for 101 different reasons that you don’t know of until you find yourself trying to untangle yourself from it.  Full circle!

Going full circle can sometimes mean going right back to where it all started – high school or university or where you were when alcohol became a constant crutch for you.

And slowly the untanglement begins and you can emerge stronger and happier than ever.

It’s worth it!

So what are your themes?

Next steps

If you would like some support to drink less, book in for a free 30-minute introductory call and let’s see if we are a good fit.  Book here.

Isabella xo